Feeling Worthy: How to cultivate unwavering self-worth
- Janelle Kee-Sue
- Mar 6
- 8 min read
Most of us go through life feeling like we’re not good enough. Whether we developed this belief from tough-loving parents, bully classmates, toxic ex partners, workplaces or unrealistic beauty standards, there’s a good chance that as a woman you feel less than or inadequate in some way.
These feelings of unworthiness can have ongoing negative consequences in our lives and on our mental health.
Whether it shows up as perfectionism and imposter syndrome at work, people pleasing and being taken advantage of, feeling undeserving of success, love or happiness, trying to be someone we’re not, to repeating the same cycle of being treated badly in relationships.
It can lead us to emotional eating, numbing ourselves with vices like alcohol, burning ourselves out, feeling anxious all the time, dimming out light, and much more.
It all starts with self-worth.
But here’s the good news: self-worth is something you can cultivate, and you can rebuild brick-by-brick.
In this blog we’ll cover:
What self worth is
The difference between self-worth and self-esteem
What affects our self worth
Strategies for building unwavering self-worth!
What is self-worth?
Self-worth is your internal sense of being good enough and feeling deserving of love, respect, and happiness.
It’s all about your thoughts, feelings and beliefs about yourself and your value and worth.
Unlike self-esteem, which is often tied to external achievements and validation, self-worth is unconditional. It’s about recognising your inherent value, regardless of success, failure, or the opinions of others.
When you develop strong self-worth, you stop relying on external validation to feel good about yourself. Instead, you cultivate an inner confidence that allows you to navigate life’s challenges with resilience and authenticity.
What can low-self-worth look like?
Low self-worth can manifest in many ways, including:
Negative self-talk
Constantly criticising yourself
Fear of failure and criticism
Constantly comparing yourself to others
People-pleasing at your own expense
Tolerating toxic relationships or environments
Worrying about what other people think
Being indecisive and not knowing "who" you are
Focusing on your flaws
Not believing you’re worthy of success/happiness/love
Overthinking social interactions
Perfectionism
Insecurity in relationships
It can lead to anxiety and even depression
What’s the difference between self-worth and self-esteem?
Self-worth and self-esteem are very closely related but have some pretty important differences, including:
Self-worth – your inherent value
Self-worth is the deep, unshakable belief that you are valuable and deserving of love, respect, and happiness simply because you exist.
It doesn’t rely on achievements, external validation, or comparisons. It’s about accepting yourself unconditionally, flaws and all.
Self-worth is:
Internal – It comes from within, not from others’ opinions.
Stable and unconditional – It doesn’t change based on success or failure.
Focuses on being – You are worthy because you are you, not because of what you do.
Self-esteem – your perception of yourself
Self-esteem is how you perceive yourself based on experiences, achievements, and how others see you. It can fluctuate depending on circumstances, success or failure.
Self-esteem is:
Conditional and changeable: It rises with praise and achievement but can drop with criticism or setbacks.
External influences: It’s often shaped by comparisons, social feedback and success.
Focuses on doing: It’s linked to performance, skills and accomplishments.
Key differences between self-worth and self-esteem
Self-worth is internal and constant—you are valuable no matter what happens.
Self-esteem is external and fluctuates—it depends on how you feel about yourself in different situations.
If you have low-self-worth you likely have volatile self-esteem and are sensitive to criticism and the things that happen that you perceive as negative.
Dr. Christina Hibbert explains it like this: “Self-esteem is what we think and feel and believe about ourselves. Self-worth is recognising ‘I am greater than all of those things.’ It is a deep knowing that I am of value, that I am loveable, necessary to this life, and of incomprehensible worth.” (2013).
Here’s an example:
Someone with high self-worth believes they deserve love and respect, even if they fail at something.
Someone with low self-esteem might doubt themselves after failing, thinking they’re not good enough.
Both self-esteem and self-worth matter
But if your self-worth is strong, your self-esteem won’t crash every time you face failure or criticism.
But if you rely only on self-esteem, your confidence will be fragile, constantly needing validation. This can lead us to perfectionism and people-pleasing, because how we feel about ourselves is then largely linked to external achievements and relationships.
What affects our self-worth?
There are so many factors that can influence our self-worth, but here are some of the more common ones:
Early childhood experiences: The way we were treated as children shapes how we see ourselves. For example, parents who found it hard to meet our needs or even loving parents who pushed us to do well can increase our need for external validation.
Societal expectations: Unrealistic standards around appearance, success, and relationships send us messages that we are only good enough if we meet certain conditions.
Toxic people/environments: Being around people who undermine or belittle you can erode your self-worth over time. Nothing can damage our self-worth quite like people can.
Past failures or mistakes: Dwelling on setbacks can create self-doubt and fear of failure.
Negative self-talk: Harsh inner criticism reinforces our feelings of unworthiness. Often, we learn this from others and perpetuate it.
Big T and little t: Traumatic events, no matter how small or large, can influence our self-worth.
How to cultivate unwavering self-worth
If you struggle with low self-worth, here are some steps to help you build a healthier relationship with yourself:
1. Get in control of your inner critic
Self-worth begins inside ourselves. What are you saying to yourself inside your own head on a daily basis about your worthiness?
Start noticing the critical thoughts that run through your mind. I recommend keeping a thought diary and noting down the critical thoughts to bring awareness to them.. When you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough” or “I don’t deserve this,” challenge it. Replace it with a more compassionate statement like, “I am worthy just as I am.”
Identify negative thoughts and challenge them. Question where these negative thoughts and opinions came from, and whether they’re actually true. If you need help with this, contact me. It’s what I do!
2. Remind yourself that your self-worth isn’t linked to anything external
Remind yourself that your bank account, job title, attractiveness, and social media following have nothing to do with how valuable or worthy a person you are. Your worth is not based on how you look, what you know or what you achieve.
It’s easy to get caught up in chasing money, status, and popularity—especially when these things are highly valued by those around us and by society in general—but make an effort to take a step back and think about what truly matters when determining people’s worth: their kindness, compassion, empathy, respect for others, and how well they treat those around them.
3. See your mistakes and ‘failures’ as lessons
Remember that your self-worth isn’t linked to your achievements. Accept that you don’t have to be flawless to be worthy. Embrace mistakes as part of growth rather than a reflection of your value.
4. Practise self-compassion
Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a friend. Instead of being harsh on yourself for perceived failures, remind yourself that you’re human and learning every day.
5. Rewire your own brain
Negative thinking and self depreciating tendencies are learned patterns of thinking and behaving. You can use self-directed neuroplasticity to rewire your own brain to change negative thought patterns, habits and behaviours.
The brain learns by repetition. So by interrupting the habits of thinking we don’t want, and replacing them with new habits of thinking, we can start to change the way we think and behave by default.
This is exactly what I teach my coaching and hypnotherapy clients how to do. We use cognitive behavioural therapy frameworks and tools to help rewire negative thought patterns. If you’d like to learn more, book a free consult with me here or message me.
6. Inner child work
As the way we were treated as children shapes how we see ourselves, therefore influencing our self-worth as adults, inner child work can be highly effective for shifting these perceptions of ourselves that we developed when we were kids.
As a Hypnotherapist, I use hypnosis as an effective and highly efficient tool for inner child work. Hypnotherapy is one of the most effective therapies out there, working directly with your subconscious mind to shift beliefs from the past that are preventing you from moving forward.
I offer hypnotherapy services (both online and in person in Wellington, New Zealand) to help with building self-worth and confidence. Learn more about hypnotherapy and book a free consult with me to see if it’s the right fit for you.
I also create self-hypnosis meditations regularly, which you can purchase from my shop.
7. Find a community that empowers you (and limit exposure to toxic people)
Our self-worth is largely influenced by the people we surround ourselves with. If we’re around people who drain our energy and make us feel bad about ourselves and our choices, it’s going to result in us not feeling like we’re good enough.
Limit the time you’re spending with these types of people, and increase the amount of time you’re spending with people who build you up and make you feel inspired and empowered. Over time, your inherent feeling of self-worth will start to shift, too!
8. Get support to rebuild your self-worth
Working with a life coach specialising in self-worth and confidence can transform the way you see yourself and the way you show up in the world. Some of the benefits of working with a coach include:
Overcoming negative self-talk and limiting beliefs
Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries
Developing self-awareness and emotional resilience
Gaining confidence in relationships and at work
1-on-1 support from a trained professional
Developing strong self-worth is a game-changer—it helps you navigate life with confidence, make empowered decisions, and feel at peace with who you are. If you need help, contact me, it’s what I do!
9. Gain insights and heal through journaling
Journalling is a great self-reflection tool that can help you to gain awareness on where your feelings of low-self-worth came from, and enables you to look at the root cause more objectively so you can start to shift your perceptions of it.
Here are some journaling prompts you can use to start unpacking your self-worth so you can start building it up again!
I recommend doing one or two a day consistently until you’ve completed the list.
Journaling prompts for self-worth
In which situations do I tend to compare myself with others?
In what areas are I most critical of myself?
In which situations were I pretending to be someone I am not so others would accept me?
What is the one thing I fear the most that people would say of me?
When do I feel most insecure?
What is one thing I can do today to honour my worth and prioritise myself?
What does success mean to me, and how can I define it on my own terms?
How can I show myself more kindness and self-compassion today?
What negative self-talk do I catch myself using? How would I speak to a friend in the same situation?
What mistakes or failures do I criticise myself for? What lessons did I learn from them?
When have I underestimated myself but succeeded anyway? What does this tell me about my abilities?
What is one fear I have that is holding me back? What small step can I take to face it?
How would my most confident, empowered self show up in my daily life?
What are three things I love about myself?
What are my top strengths, and how have they helped me in my personal or professional life?
Write about a time when I felt confident and proud of myself. What contributed to that feeling?
What compliments have I received that truly resonated with me? How can I internalise them?
List five things I have accomplished, big or small, that make me proud.
Rebuilding self-worth is a journey
It requires self-awareness, patience, and practice. I encourage you to choose a few of the tools above and commit to them to help rebuild your self-worth brick by brick.
What’s one small thing you can do today to start moving forward? Let me know in the comments or send me a message on Instagram: @janellekeesue.coaching —I’d love to hear from you! 💛
If you’re ready to rebuild your self-worth and confidence, book a free consult with me – I’m a certified life coach, hypnotherapist and accredited cognitive behavioural therapy practitioner who specialises in helping women rebuild their confidence and self-worth after toxic relationships.
If this blog resonated with you, be sure to check out the Finally Thriving Podcast on Spotify and Apple Podcasts for more conversations on healing, growth, and reclaiming your confidence.🎙️✨
Thanks for reading! If you want more, check out my other blogs, follow me on TikTok: @janelle.keesue and Instagram: @janellekeesue.coaching
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