Do you wish you were more confident in your professional or personal life?
You’re not alone! So many women long for greater confidence—whether it’s speaking up in meetings, putting themselves forward for opportunities, expressing their true thoughts, or simply feeling comfortable being seen.
The good news? Confidence isn’t something that’s reserved for a select few. It’s a skill that can be developed and a mindset that can be developed.
Confidence doesn’t need to be loud, egocentric or attention seeking. This is a false view of confidence society somehow has glorified.
True confidence doesn’t need external validation. It doesn’t need to be loud, extraverted, or arrogant.
In fact, the most powerful form of confidence is the opposite. It’s quiet confidence.
We’ll explore:
What quiet confidence actually is
What prevents us from feeling confident
How to cultivate unshakeable self-belief and inner confidence!
What is "quiet confidence"?
Quiet confidence is a deep, inner assurance in yourself, your skills and your worth.
It doesn’t rely on external validation or the need to prove yourself to others. There is no ego here. Instead, it comes from self-awareness, self-trust, and the ability to back yourself—without having to be the loudest person in the room.
Someone with quiet confidence doesn’t feel the need to seek the spotlight, but they also don’t shy away from it. They stand firm in their decisions, navigate challenges with resilience, and trust themselves to handle whatever comes their way.
Why quiet confidence matters
When you cultivate quiet confidence, you:
Feel more in control of your thoughts and emotions
Handle challenges with resilience instead of self-doubt
Communicate more effectively in work and personal relationships
Take action without fear of failure or judgement
Trust yourself and your decisions without overthinking
Most importantly, quiet confidence allows you to show up as your authentic self—without feeling the need to change who you are.
What holds us back from feeling confident?
Many women struggle with confidence due to deeply ingrained beliefs and habits, such as:
Overthinking and self-doubt: Constantly second-guessing yourself can keep you stuck in a cycle of inaction, and knock your confidence.
Fear of judgement or failure: Worrying about what others think can prevent you from taking risks or speaking up.
Past experiences: If you’ve struggled with something in the past, failed, or found something difficult, it’s likely you’ll develop a belief that you can’t do that thing, making you feel unconfident.
Perfectionism: The belief that you must achieve perfection before you take action can stop you from starting in the first place.
Negative self-talk: A harsh inner critic can undermine your abilities and keep you playing small.
Comparing yourself to others: Measuring your worth against others’ successes can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-confidence.
The key to overcoming these barriers is shifting your mindset and taking intentional steps to build quiet confidence, which we’re going to cover how to do!
How to cultivate quiet confidence
If you struggle with self-doubt and a lack of confidence, here are some practical steps to help you develop unwavering self-belief:
1. Build trust and faith in yourself
Your ability to trust yourself is at the heart of building quiet confidence. Because while you may not be where you want to be yet, your level of trust and belief in your ability to get there will hugely influence your ability to create the result.
And don’t worry, there’s a clear difference between having a big ego and trusting yourself.
The ego:
Driven by the need for external validation, comparison, and superiority.
Often rooted in insecurity, seeking approval or proving one's worth.
Can manifest as arrogance, defensiveness, or fear of being wrong.
Relies on external factors (status, success, recognition) to feel valuable.
Self-trust:
Built on inner confidence and self-awareness, without needing external validation.
Allows you to make decisions with conviction, even in uncertainty.
Encourages humility—acknowledging strengths and weaknesses without fear.
Leads to resilience, as self-worth isn't tied to external outcomes.
Someone who’s ego driven may struggle to admit mistakes or seek constant approval, while someone with self-trust knows their worth and acts from a place of quiet confidence rather than fear or pride.
Think about times when you felt unconfident, but over time developed proficiency and confidence in something. You’ve done hard stuff before, and you survived, right? Remind yourself that you can do this, too.
2. Take small, brave steps
Confidence builds through action. Even if you don’t feel ready, start taking small steps outside your comfort zone—whether that’s sharing your opinion in a meeting, networking, or setting boundaries.
We’re usually not good at things straight out the gate. But with practice and perseverance we can sharpen our skills at anything. We just need patience and to trust in the process of small, consistent action.
3. Tell yourself: “That was easy!”
If you want to build confidence, self-trust, and invite more ease and flow into your life, each time you do something, say in your head or out loud; “that was easy!”.
This directs your mind’s focus onto ease and flow, rather than hardship and lack. Start by saying it for the simplest things you do. Thirsty? Pour yourself a glass of water. That was easy. Hungry? Have something to eat. That was easy. Complete a task at work you’ve done so many times you don’t even need to think about it. That was easy. Respond to an email. That was easy.
You get the picture—start small then start saying that was easy for the harder, scarier things after you do them. Soon you’ll experience so much more ease and flow in your everyday life, which will fill you up with quiet confidence!
4. Question and reframe negative self-talk
Your inner dialogue (most of us have one) shapes how you see yourself. Start noticing the critical thoughts that creep in and challenge them.
Are the thoughts actually true, or is your brain just dishing up negative stories based on a guess?
Question the validity of these thoughts and where they came from. Would they stack up in the court of law? Consider actual evidence for these thoughts. Often they’re based on assumptions and aren’t actually true.
Then you can reframe these thoughts. Instead of saying, “I suck at this,” reframe it as something more neutral, such as, “I am capable of getting better at this with practice and perseverance.”
When I work with my coaching clients I take them through numerous tools and techniques to get in control of negative self-talk. Book a free consult with me to learn how.
5. Stop seeking perfection - it doesn’t exist
Perfectionism keeps us trapped in inaction, because why bother in the first place if it’s never going to be good enough? Accept that growth comes from making mistakes, learning, and improving over time. Aim for progress, not perfection, and recognise the little wins on the way.
6. Focus on your strengths, not just your weaknesses
Too many people focus on what they’re not good at, and we forget all the things we are boss at! We have an inbuilt negativity bias to thank for that, but it’s not helpful when we want to build our confidence in something.
Thinking we’re not capable of change is a fixed mindset, and neuroplasticity proves it’s untrue.
Instead of fixating on what you lack, take time to identify and appreciate your strengths. If you desperately want to build confidence in an area you’re lacking, remind yourself you’re good at other stuff! You can get good at this too if it’s important to you.
7. Surround yourself with supportive people
There’s nothing more contagious and harmful than other people’s limited thinking. The right environment can make all the difference. Seek out mentors, friends, or communities that uplift and encourage you rather than drain your confidence.
If you have unsupportive people telling you you’re not good enough, you’re going to start believing their rubbish. Put them out with the trash and invest your time and energy in relationships that build your confidence rather than dim your light to make themselves feel better.
8. Practice self-love and compassion
You don’t have to have it all figured out. Be kind to yourself, acknowledge your progress, and give yourself grace when things don’t go perfectly. We’re human and we don’t often get things right the first time, so congratulate yourself for taking action, learn from it, pivot if needed, and keep going, QUEEN!
9. Unlock your confidence through hypnotherapy
Hypnotherapy is a highly effective tool for changing thought patterns and habits quickly. If you struggle with confidence it can help you to shift this pattern at an unconscious level, helping to facilitate change incredibly quickly.
Completely safe, it feels like a lovely relaxing meditation, and uses creative visualisation to get the unconscious mind on-board with your goals and the outcomes you want to create.
I offer hypnotherapy services (both online and in person in Wellington, New Zealand) to help with self-image and confidence. Learn more about hypnotherapy and book a free consult with me to see if it’s the right fit for you.
Unlock your quiet confidence with these 9 tips
Quiet confidence isn’t about being the loudest in the room. It’s about knowing your worth, trusting yourself, and moving through life with self-assurance.
By shifting your mindset, challenging negative beliefs, and taking intentional action, you can build the kind of confidence that allows you to thrive—both professionally and personally.
If you need help on your journey, book a free consult with me – I’m a certified life coach, hypnotherapist and accredited cognitive behavioural therapy practitioner who specialises in helping ambitious peeps like you to reinvent themselves from the inside-out and achieve their biggest goals.
Thanks for reading! If you want more, check out my other blogs, follow me on TikTok: @janelle.keesue and Instagram: @janellekeesue.coaching
About the Author
Janelle is a Coach and Hypnotherapist passionate about helping women break free from self-doubt and unlock their inner confidence. With expertise in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and Hypnotherapy, she empowers women to silence their inner critic, build resilience, and cultivate lasting self-belief.
Based in Wellington, New Zealand, Janelle understands the deep-seated struggles many women face—whether it's perfectionism, imposter syndrome, people-pleasing, or feelings of unworthiness. Through personalized coaching and hypnotherapy, she guides her clients to develop a strong sense of self-worth, set healthy boundaries, and embrace their authentic selves.
When she's not coaching, you’ll find Janelle at the gym, working on her novel, or spending time with her husband, Ricky, and their beloved Samoyed, Zeus. Learn more about Janelle here.
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